Dark wood, the four beams of the chuppah framed Jake and Amir inside. Large, fresh flowers and greenery decorated the corners, and the top was covered with translucent white cloth. Trees swayed gently over them in the lush public park they'd picked out for the occasion.

“Amir, would you like to read your vows?” asked the officiant.

“Of course,” Amir said, rifling through his suit jacket.

“I thought we weren’t writing our own vows,” Jake said through a gritted smile.

Amir pulled out and unrolled a weather-beaten scroll. Clearing his throat, he announced the title: “Top 10 Vows to Make at Your Wedding by Amir Valerie Hurwitz.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Jesus Christ.”

“Number Ten: We’re two men! That’s right, dad, this is a gay marriage taking place in front of your very eyes! It’s time to do away with all the lies; I wanna be buried between his thighs.”

Jake flicked a tongue over his tooth, tapped a soothing rhythm on his arm, and didn’t interrupt just yet.

“Number Nine: Valentine! A recycled poem for my vow, lets you know I wanna plow! Time folds into itself as I am already nostalgic for our future and look forward to our past. Jackass...t.”

“Don’t swear in the ceremony.”

Amir continued, turning back to the crowd. “Number Eight: You’re a cheapskate! Daddy dearest wouldn’t put up a dowry, not a goat or cow fow me. My beard makes me a nontraditional bride but that don’t mean you can’t slip me a bribe!”

Jake place his hand on Amir’s arm. “It’s okay, you don’t have to yell.”

“Number Seven: No aggression.”

“Bad rhyme.”

“When I’m around you, Jake, the anger just melts away. Also, if I didn’t already mention it: I’m gay!”

"Like, the first thing you said, buddy."

“Number Six: Acrobatics. You’ve got me head over heels, so I hope this appeals: Jake, you’re hotter than Steve Buscemi and a walrus combined. Please oh please - won’t you be mine?”

“Insulting - and yeah, of course I’ll be yours. I’m at the altar with you.”

“Good,” Amir said meekly.

“Number Five: Take a dive. There’s a sniper at the wedding, soon we’ll be in coffin bedding!”

“Coffin bedding? Oh shit-“ Jake pulled Amir down, dragging him just barely under the bullet. Emily was standing at the back of the crowd, smoking rifle in hand. She licked her lips and winked at Jake.

“Jesus Christ! She’s still into me!”

Murph piped up, “You’re into my girl? You’re saying this shit at your own wedding?”

“No, dude! Don’t hit me!” Jake curled up, arms protecting his head.

“Number Four: Shooter no more. As the authorities take her to an offshore jail,” Amir began.

Murph ushered Emily back to their seats. She looked like a pouting child, still clutching the gun close like a stuffed animal. Jake tentatively stood up, hunching his shoulders still.

Amir continued, “I can’t help but turn a little pale. One of the biggest decisions of my life - am I ready to be married? To have a beautiful wife?”

“Husband,” Jake corrected.

“Number Three: I agree. As in, I do. I will marry you.”

“Quick turnaround, huh? Seemed like you were gonna have some kind of internal struggle, maybe question if I'm right for you, or if you should play the field, look for someone else, right? Also, I don't think any of these have been vows-”

“Number Two: I’m just a lonely Jew. It’s you I’d like to stick to - walking down the avenue, drinking too much cheap brew, and when we come to, we can woohoo.”

“That was.. pretty decent rhyming.”

“Thank you.” Amir pulled his shoulders back and adjusted his footing.

“Number One: Have fun in the sun with my husbun. Sipping on a simple rosé, I could just sit there with you all day. Nothing could compare, to the way your eyes play off your hair; you’re beautiful. And I’m pitiful. I shouldn’t be mentioned in the same breath as you, you’re impossible to outdo. It’s pure damn luck you stuck around, because you turned me upside-down - ruined me, destroyed me; saved me. You keep me going, when it’s dark and stormy; and when you’re laid out before me, I can’t imagine anything better than this.”

Amir’s voice began to break. “I can’t wait to spend all day every day with you for the rest of my life.“ He took an even breath. “I love you, Jake.”

Jake wiped a tear from his eye, then another, and another. It was a futile task, keeping his face dry, when the waterfall looked like it was never gonna stop. He didn’t stop beaming though, a perfect mirror of the grin in front of him. "That was beautiful, man," he choked out.

“Thank you, Amir. Jake, would you like to make your vows?”