It's an ordinary day, other than the horrible itchy rash on Rik's bottom. He's trying very hard not to scratch it in public, but anyone giving him dirty looks would turn the other cheek if they knew one-tenth of the itchiness. Unfortunately, they don't.

While walking to his local GP's office, Rik spots somebody very familiar.

"Is that Vyvyan? Why on earth does he have that stupid stethoscope on? He's not a bloody doctor. I know good and well he never passed any of his exams."

"Stop giving exposition," croaks an old lady. She thumps Rik with her handbag.

"Oi! You stupid old crone – you could have broken something. You know the state of the NHS – I would have died."

"I wish you would."

Rik flips her the V, and saunters over towards Vyvyan.

"Vyvyan! Oh, Vyvyan! It's me, Rik, from college!"

Vyvyan bends down and picks up a coin.

"I spotted that first, you know. You owe me half."

Vyv stands back up and keeps walking.

"Oi! I'm talking to you!"

Rik sprints down the street, holds his hand to his forehead, and faints right in front of Vyvyan. That should teach him.

Vyvyan keeps walking like nobody's there, stepping right between Rik's legs.

"Bastard!" Rik stands up and stomps off the dust. "Well, that's very bloody nice, isn't it?"

Vyv sighs, and turns around. "What's nice?" he growls.

"Leaving me to die on the pavement! Or did you not notice me at all since you think you're so special and cool? We did live together, you know!"

Vyv scratches his head. "Did we...?"

"Oh you bloody liar! You're only pretending you don't know me just to rile me up. Well, I know just what you're doing, and it's not working," Rik says, crossing his arms and sneering.

"Yes, it is. Damn!"

"Ha-ha, caught you! You know," Rik snorts, "I thought it was pretty funny, actually. We might be grown-ups now, but it's still important to have a sense of humour."

"Look, Rik. I've got to get to my GP's office. I don't really feel like dragging you all the way there just to patch you up, so would you sod off before I start hitting you?"

"Oh, really. Not everything can be solved with violence."

Vyv squints. "Yes it can."

"You're a doctor for cripes' sake!"

"Yeah. The best part of being a doctor is wolloping their knees with that little hammer. I've even broken a few," Vyv says, with a dreamy smile.

"Well, I certainly won't be visiting you, then."

"Why? Do you need to see a doctor?" Vyv grins, and leans in very close. "Do you have a huge rash on your bottom?"

Rik giggles nervously. "O–of course not! Honestly, what a childish thing to say."

"Good. Because, if you ever said the words 'I want your cream on my bottom', I'd kill you."

"I doubt anybody would ever say that around you, Vyvyan," Rik says, snorting.

Vyvyan pulls a tiny hammer out of his pocket and thwaps Rik in the head with it. His leg shoots up in reflex, kicking Vyv squarely in the gibbly bits, and they both fall to the ground in anguish.

"This is just like old times, isn't it, Vyvyan?"

Vyv nods. "Yeah. I was just wondering why I moved out."